Why I Hate Canada Day

Patriotism has always sat uneasily with most Canadians, not unlike trying to digest a large slice of birthday cake after a few hours at a Chinese buffet. We can put part of the blame on Americans -- they are so loud, so brash, so... American about their patriotism, what with the flag waving and the allegiances to the flag and the bombs bursting mid air and all that. Other countries tend to be jingoistic about patriotism as well -- I've met Australians who natter on about how superior and wonderful Australia is and how everyone should move there (undeterred by the fact that they were not living in Australia at the time), Greeks, Mexicans and Italians who will bore you for days on great all of their countries are, and even a few kiwis who maintain that New Zealand is the most bestest place on Earth, even though all they have to back up their arguments is that Lord of The Rings was filmed there.

It's interesting to observe your fellow countrymen (sorry, countrypeople, no I mean, countrypersons) in a foreign country, especially if you have lived in that foreign country for a while. Canadians are somewhat unique in that we aren't easily identifiable compared to Americans to non-Americans, but we can spot each other after a few moments of conversation. When you get a group of people from different places, eventually the 'my country is better than yours' comes up I've noticed for the most part, Americans never initiate the conversation, and you can interpret this two ways: either they don't care because they feel superior because of their country or they are being polite. I have noticed though, that put a Canadian in a room with some Americans, Brits and Australians and he/she will be the one to start the conversation, usually after he/she has been misidentified as an American.

And what does he/she usually come up with? We are great because of... multiculturalism? (Ignoring the fact that America accepts more immigrants than we do) peace-keeping? (Even though our participation in this rather dodgy enterprise has been slipping of late) tolerance? (Implying that other countries are intolerant, which is simply untrue. How many black Canadians have held positions of power? Jewish? Muslim?) geography? (As if we had anything to do with the formation of the Rocky Mountains. And here is where the Kiwis can screen LOTR) hockey? (The last time we won the gold in the Olympics was....forget it! Leafs rule!) beer? beer! That's it, beer! (Seriously, ask a Brit or an Aussie if they have every drank a Molson, or a Labatt, and watch the reaction.)


So it is a bit jarring, not to mention somewhat embarrassing, to see the sudden ubiquity of Canadian flags in the last few days, especially those sticking out of car windows. And of course the media blows the dust off the usual stories about how great Canada is, blah blah, multiculturalism, peace-keeping, civility, tolerance, yada yada, hockey, geography, snore snore, beer, which all sums up to: We are not American! We matter! But we are not American! We are Canadian! Except if you are a French Canadian. Or a Native. Or...

The TV coverage during 'Canada" Day is embarrassing for all involved. You have reporters asking questions to half-drunken yahoos wearing Cat in the hat Maple leaf hats and face paint such as 'What does Canada mean to you?' when the question should be 'Who allowed you out in public?' and the answers are: 'Multiculturalism! Hockey! Beer! Best country in the world!'

(And I have to point out here the dubious honour of being the best country in the world. Being the best country in the world is like being the class valedictorian at summer school. There's only about 10 decent countries. In your face Sudan! Suck it, Myanmar! We're number one!)

My main objection is calling it 'Canada' Day, as if 'Canada' meant something that you could celebrate in a day. In the US it's not 'America' Day but Independence Day, which says a lot about the American national psyche. OK, sure, Australia has 'Australia Day' but they also have 'Anzac Day', which has far greater meaning. It's telling that England doesn't have a similar national holiday, but then there is that Guy Fawkes celebration.

You can do down the list and find similar sounding holidays from most countries in the world, and the common theme is: violence. We all know the highlights of the American Revolution (see Braveheart II: The Patriot) and then the American Civil War and I think this is what really separates us from the Americans. Twice in its history, Americans had to to fight for their country, while Canada sort of slid into existence. Sure, we had our usual share of Indian killing and battles between the French and English, but what New World colony didn't? We have never been put to the test as to whether we would rise up and defend our country, and we have never been put to the ultimate test of whether we would fight each other to keep our country intact.

Which could be conceived as a good thing, I know, but I think it reveals something lacking in our national character. That's why we allow a political party formed to destroy the country into the House of Commons and the recent tough talk from the Atlantic Premiers.

We need to have a national holiday mean something, and bringing back the Dominion, that sense of unity and purpose, would be a step towards that goal. As well, let's make Remembrance Day a national holiday as well, a day where we should discuss and discover the sacrifices that generations before us made so we can wear our relaxed fit jeans and drive around in our hummers eating pizza made in under 10 minutes. It wouldn't hurt to make Victoria Day more a celebration of our past than an excuse to get drunk at the cottage either.





'Canada' Day used to be called Dominion Day and I think it should be called that again. Not so much that