Jerry Falwell Meets His Maker; Pies!

If there is a God, and a Heaven, and people go there after they die and are judged (could I pile any more implausible thoughts in one sentence?) it must have been really interesting when Jerry Falwell finally ascended. (Yes, I know, another implausible notion and you may be worried that this post has gone off the rails, but stick with me).

This is, after all, the man who said after September 11: "The abortionists have got to bear some burden for this because God will not be mocked. And when we destroy 40 million little innocent babies, we make God mad. I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People for the American Way—all of them who have tried to secularize America—I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.' "

He quickly apologized and was allowed to continue making statements as if he had any credibility and if he somehow mattered. It is a peculiarity in American politics that someone such as Falwell, or Pat Robertson, can achieve levels of power and credibility simply because they profess to believe in God. It's hard to imagine a similar figure in Canadian politics, something for which we should be grateful. The cynic that I am, I think Falwell was more about the power than the religion, and found a space for himself where he could spout hate for personal gain. I can't say if he actually believed in the things he said, and I don't think it really matters. What matters is that he said these things to gain more power and money for himself, statements such as "AIDS is the wrath of a just God against homosexuals." and "I can tell you, our grandchildren will laugh at those who predicted global warming. We'll be in global cooling by then, if the Lord hasn't returned. I don't believe a moment of it. The whole thing is created to destroy America's free enterprise system and our economic stability." and PEOPLE LISTENED. People actually stood there and let him say these things and nodded their heads (or shook them with a mix of disgust and resignation) and propelled him into a position where he appeared on cable news as if he had something to contribute, as if what he was saying somehow mattered. He made a handsome living for himself with this con, but we only have ourselves to blame for not laughing at him and throwing pies at his head whenever he appeared. Not good pies, mind you, because that would be a waste. Bad pies that noone eats, like strawberry rhubarb and key lime.

Back to Jerry Falwell and God. God's reaction to Falwell would depend on which God it was. The Old Testament God (the vengeful, manic depressive one) would have commend Falwell on weeding out the true believers from the infidels, shoved a lightning bolt up his ass and hurled him down to Hell. The New Testament God (the kinder, loving version) would have listened patiently as Falwell explained what he meant when he said "I listen to feminists and all these radical gals. ... These women just need a man in the house. That's all they need. Most of the feminists need a man to tell them what time of day it is and to lead them home. And they blew it and they're mad at all men. Feminists hate men. They're sexist. They hate men; that's their problem." and then shoved a lightning bolt up his ass and hurled him down to Hell.