Fark Headlines of 2008

Farking good.

20: PETA activist changes her name from Rachel Feather to Rachel FishingHurts. One letter off from a new career in porn

19: A Cambridgeshire church has lost its "Spitting Vicar". The English language, however, has gained another euphemism for "Penis"

18: Explosion at winery leaves workers weak bodied with a rich red hue, containing discernible hints of charred debris and strong character best described as dead

17: Last German WWI veteran dies at age 107. WE WIN

16: Woman who had phone sex with a man claims he raped her... over the phone. Man says that is impossible, he doesn't even work for Verizon

15: Teacher found guilty of cramming 13 people at once into his Volvo. Paris Hilton congratulates him on breaking her record before realizing she misunderstood the statement

14: 2 charged in stabbing of 3. In related news, 6 in hiding over fears that 7 8 9

13: Gerbil causes 3-car accident; article doesn't say which gere he was in at the time

12: Father of two crushed to death after falling into printing press. This story is continued on Pages 3, 4, 9 and 10

11: MILFish math teacher learns that 17 does not go into 35 without a serious remainder

10: Now that certain words -- like the other word for donkey -- must be filtered on the Internet: President Abraham Lincoln was buttbuttinated by an armed buttailant after a life devoted to the reform of the U.S. consbreastution

9: Disagreements shake Djibouti. Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake Djibouti

8: Oral sex study finds that people only read the first two words of web headlines

7: Two swimmers dead, Juan Moore missing

6: Smoking named 'the most offensive thing you can do in someone else's house', narrowly edging out "their wife"

5: Baptist minister calls birth control "murder." Your mom's face now a crime scene

4: One armed girl swims circles around competition

3: You are what your mother eats. So, if you turn out to be a bit of a dick, you know why

2: "Spam King" sentenced to 47 months of having his inbox filled with unsolicited male

And the #1 Headline of 2008 is:

1: Five killed and dozens injured in perfume factory fire. EAU DE HUMANITY