Yes. Well. Right.

Books I Read in 2010

2011-01-07T11:29:00.000-05:00

I started recording, through the magic of computers, all the books that I read in 2010. I might have missed a few (particularly books that I re-read this past year) as with most of these kind of projects, the ambition quickly becomes surpassed by the reality.

Beautiful Children - Charles Bock

The first book I read in 2010, it was one of those books that is technically quite fine, but failed to leave an impression. The best part was the dedication.

Generation A - Coupland

It started off as one of the best books Coupland has written, but quickly turned into every other book Coupland has written

Fragile Things - Neil Gaiman
Juliet Naked - Nick Hornby
Pride and Prejudice with Zombies

Didn't finish this one - the gag wore off on me too quickly.

The Golden Compass - Pulman
What is The What - Eggers
Mystery Train - Marcus
Sushi Daze
How To Be A Canadian - Ferguson
Rabbit, Run - Updike
Blood's A Rover - Ellroy

I wanted this to be better - I had been anticipating this one for years.

The Ascent of Money
Lucky Jim
Midnight's Children
Where The God of Love Hangs Out
Point Omega
Let The Great World Spin
What The Dog Saw
Superfreakonomics
Too Big To Fail
The Quants
Changing My Mind
Number9dream
Hokkaido Highway Blues
Eating The Dinosaur
All My Friends Are Superheroes
Realia
Operation Mincemeat
Less than a treason: Hemingway in Paris

I went through another Hemingway phase this year and read biographys about him. No other writer's life really fascinates me as much as Hemingway's does, and I re-read The Sun Also Rises to remember why I was reading all these books about him, and read for the first time True At First Light

A Multitude of Sins
Imperial Bedrooms
Great Apes
I Was Told There' d Be Cake - Sloane Crosley

This was a great find this year.

Atonement
Comedy by The Numbers
Maps and Legends
Never Let Me Go
Home Sweet Home: My Canadian Album
Hitch-22
The Ask
The War of The World
Freedom - Franzen

Who didnt read this book this year? I like the Corrections better though.

Running with the bulls: My Life With The Hemingways
Hemingway: The Toronto Years
City of Thieves
Zero History
Leviathan
American Alone
Michael Palin's Hemingway Adventure
Await Your Reply - Chaon

One of the best books I read in 2010.

True At First Light
Hocus Pocus
Imperial
Liar's Poker
Earth: The Book
How Did You Get This Number
Djibouti
Inherent Vince
Wrong About Japan
The Great Derangement
The Warhol Gang
100 Photos That Changed Canada
The Brief and Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao
The Wrestler's Cruel Study
There's A Riot Going On

The Definitive Best Songs of 2010

2010-12-16T21:38:00.000-05:00

These are the best songs of 2010. This is a stone cold fact that cannot be disputed. If you have a different opinion, too bad, you're completely wrong. Update your playlists accordingly.

It was a good year because there was a new Broken Social Scene album. I haven't seen it, but I heard This Movie is Broken wasn't that good - probably because it didn't have Joe Dick in it. This is the best song on Forgiveness Rock Record.

Jack White continues his descent into being the weirder younger brother of Johnny Depp, but damn this song is good.

They announced that they are on hiatus, which is code for the lead singer and the guitar player hate each other. Good album to go out on though.

If you someone said to you that guys from REM and guys from Snow Patrol joined forces, you would start running in the other direction. Which would be too bad, because this is a good song. Get On The Road is an honourable mention for 2010.

I found this song through one of those free song a day podcasts. Most of the songs are crap, but this is one isn't.

This album was supposed to deliver us all from the mediocrity of mainstream and the piousness of alternative rock, to make right what was wrong. It didn't do any of that, but it still had some good songs. Soft In The Center gets an honourable mention.

This song didn't come out in 2010, but screw you, it's my list. What, there are rules to this kind of thing? Listened to this one a lot early last year. Much better song than Sweet Disposition.

He's Canadian, but don't hold that against him. Robots got a lot of attention this year, but if you like that song better than this one, than you're wrong. If you think so, take your ipod and dunk it in a glass of tepid Four Loko and then throw it off the roof into an empty swimming pool.

Wicked song from a wicked band that deserves more recognition.

Another wicked song that puts the bass in your face.

Honourable Mentions:

Heading For Nowhere - Jets Overhead

Coffee Girl - The Tragically Hip

The Mama Papa - Plants and Animals

The High Road - Broken Bells

Blood's Too Rich - Luke Doucet

Swim Until You Can't See Land - Frightened Rabbit

Underdog - e-dubble

A Crime - Sharon Van Etten

It's On Like A Certain Large Ape That Throws Barrels At Stereotypical Italian Plumbers

2010-11-16T12:03:00.000-05:00

Nintendo wants to copyright the phrase "It's On Like Donkey Kong" in a shameless PR stunt that coincides with the release of a new Donkey Kong Game.

Mr. Murray on the situation: "But really, since when is proclaiming your highly cemented corporate identity by trademarking stuff you didn’t come up with a good PR move? Becoming part of the public lexicon is every company’s free advertising dream, except for, say, Exxon or BP Oil, and trademarking publicly generated phrases really cuts into that dream. I mean, it’s not as if the saying is a negative one that needs to be controlled before it harms the company, like my popular catchphrases, “Taco Bell is only good when you’re drunk” and “Even drunk, I won’t eat at McDonald’s.”

Some replacement phrases here. I'm partial to "A winner is you" from Pro Wrestling, but "Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president" from Bad Dudes more or less sums up American foreign policy during the late '80's.

The New Ten Commandments

2010-03-11T09:30:00.000-05:00

The Hitch breaks out a new Ten Commandments. With video!

Obsolete Jobs

2010-03-11T09:25:00.000-05:00

In a few years, we are going to add "print journalist" to this list of obsolete jobs.

This Just In: Killer Whale Kills

2010-02-26T11:09:00.000-05:00

A killer whale killed a trainer at Sea World. While tragic and terrible, it's hardly surprising - check the name of the animal. That's what these things do - they kill. And this wasn't the first time this particular killer whale killed someone - this was number three. It's similar to the story about the tiger who ate his owner.

And, this guy is an idiot:

Jack Hanna: Whale Trainers Are Like Astronauts

Here's the money quote that you can read as you do a spit take:

"Larry, didn't our astronauts go up in the space shuttle and we lost them when they came back? It was a terrible thing. They went back up in space, didn't they? We want to learn from space and help mankind. That's what SeaWorld does. These are dangerous animals. This young lady sacrificed her life and would be sitting here today saying she'd do it again for the great work she's done and SeaWorld has done to educate tens of millions of people over the last years."

Tom Brokaw Explains Canada to Americans

2010-02-22T12:00:00.000-05:00

Tom Brokaw explains that strange and exotic land north to the US:

Some other things that are Canadian:

Doughnuts

Coffee with double cream and sugar (Double doubles as the natives call them)

Maple trees

John Candy

Democracy

Tupac and Biggie Smalls

Common Decency

Argon molecules

Beer

The Titanic (the ship, not the movie)

William Shatner

William Shatner's hair piece

Mistrust

Democracy

President Obama (the Hawaiian birth certificate was just a ruse)

Socialism

Trip-Hop

Love

Hockey -ice, floor and road, not field

An aversion to stale gummi worms

Mountains

Pissing on the Olympics Seems Kind of Required At This Point

2010-02-18T11:35:00.001-05:00

The one thing that I've found interesting about the Vancouver Winter Olympics (okay, the only thing I've found interesting besides how CTV has turned into a propaganda machine for the IOC) is how some on these events have an air of legitimacy, just because they have an Olympic medal attached to them.

Take luge, for example. This event is ridiculous - a luger sits on a pie plate with two knives on the bottom and hurls down an ice track. I'm not saying that there's not a level of skill and athleticism involved, but it was no surprise that the luger from Georgia died. (IOC officials should be ashamed for the double-speak after the accident - they blamed in on 'athlete error' but went ahead and made track changes).

What's even worse than luge is skeleton, which is the same thing but you go head first. Head first!

I mean, seriously, this is worth a medal?

Superbowl Ads

2010-02-08T09:47:00.000-05:00

Since Canada is not allowed to see the Superbowl Ads (this is true - it's in the British North America Act, second page, near the bottom) we have to rely on the Internets to tell us the next morning what we missed. (Before Gore Vidal invented the Internets, Canadians had to use our imagination to picture what the Superbowl Ads were like - my fantasies mostly involved the guy from Little Casear's driving Corollas over the Noid).

The Letterman/Leno/Oprah ad was good:

More Superbowl Ads, from the good people at Gawker

J.D. Salinger Dead

2010-01-28T14:01:00.000-05:00

When I first read Catcher in the Rye at 20 I thought it was one the best books I had ever read. I read it again when I was 29 and found Holden Caulfield to by whiny and annoying. I had a similar relationship with On The Road - loved it the first time, not so much the second time but on it's recent anniversary I re-read it with new appreciation.

Would Salinger's literary reputation have been maintained if he had continued to publish? Hard to say. It's the James Dean vs Elvis Presley situation - one dies fast and young and his image stays the same, the other gets old and casts a generous shadow over his earlier work.

J.D. Salinger Dead at 91

Top Seven Movie Moments That Were Improvised

2010-01-14T06:47:00.000-05:00

Full Metal Jacket | Movies & TV | SPIKE.com

If you thought the drill sergeant in Full Metal Jacket was bad-ass, then learning that he improvised most of his lines makes him even more bad-ass.

Thousands Dying Because Haitian Slaves 'Swore a Pact with the Devil' for Their Freedom, says Pat Robertson

2010-01-13T16:57:00.001-05:00

Seriously, Pat? Seriously?

Why does anyone ever listen to this guy? If he were on a street corner or in a bar muttering this stuff, he would either be ignored or locked up. Instead, he says he loves Jesus and he's treated with respect.

Disgraceful.

Thousands Dying Because Haitian Slaves 'Swore a Pact with the Devil' for Their Freedom - Pat Robertson - Gawker

That Tiger Didn't Go Crazy, He Was Just Being A Tiger

2010-01-12T09:55:00.000-05:00

So, a guy owns a tiger, and then the tiger attacks and kills him, and now other people want to pass a law to make it more difficult to own a tiger. Too easy to own wild animals, group says

What would be the purpose of this law? To protect people who own tigers from getting killed by tigers? This is what Tigers do. If you own a tiger, you have to have a reasonable expectation that one day it's going to maul you and eat your skin. If you want to own a tiger, or a lion, or a bear, than I think you should be able to. Just don't come crying when it eats your face for lunch.

Cutting Edge Tech, Circa 1964

2010-01-11T12:00:00.000-05:00

From the good people at Dark Roasted Blend.

I would gladly trade in my work laptop for one of these.

I Vote For Leaving It Blank

2010-01-04T16:14:00.006-05:00

The Aughties? The Naughties? The Blanks? Let's just leave this decade nameless and move on with our collective lives.

It was mid-December when I saw a 'best of the decade list' that I realized that this nameless decade was over. Of course I knew that the year was coming to an end, but the last time a decade ended I was anxious about the clocks turning over, caught up in the general unease about Y2K. Ten years ago I was in a park, in the middle of Japan, watching fireworks with the woman who would become my wife, waiting for the world to end. And it almost did at midnight: everyone flipped on their cellphones, causing the system to overload, so all you heard were long beeps.

This is how the world ends - not with a bang, but with a busy tone.

We took all that anxiety from Y2K and spread it out over the last ten years, from terrorist attacks to weapons of mass destruction to airport security to seeing Janet Jackson's nipple to bird and swine flu to a financial crisis to having a black President of the U.S. to cyborg monkeys overthrowing the current order and taking their rightful place as the master's of humanity. (OK, that last one is only mine.) We might have been better off if something had happened on Dec 31, 1999 - an elevator that traps people in a high rise building, a server meltdown in the basement that had everyone's credit card info and precious, precious porn. At least we might have moved past this pervasive fear that has dominated the last ten years.

The experts were wrong about Y2K, just as they were wrong a few years later about weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, the levels of fame Paris Hilton would achieve and the sustainability of the housing market in the U.S. If we learn anything from the past ten years, it should be that the experts are always wrong.

The Beauty of Fake Twits

2009-06-12T14:55:00.003-04:00

I've been using it for a while, but I still don't get Twitter. It's like a comment list from a boring blog mixed with a MSN messenger conversation between a pedophile pretending to be a 12-year old girl in her underwear chatting with an undercover RCMP officer pretending to be a pedophile, combined with a New Year's Party where everyone is drunk and just talks at one another.

The best part about is Fake Twits - anyone can create an account in anyone else's name, add a photo and pretend to be that person.

@petermansbridge is a standout:

So is @etalkben who claims to be Ben Mulroney. The sad thing is that if you just read the posts, you couldn't really guess that it might not be the real Ben Mulroney... or is it?

There was a great Annie Mroczkowski twitter, but it looks like it has been deactivated. No doubt there will be some kind of backlash against fake twits, and there will be some verification process and all the fun will be sucked out of Twitter and we will be left with people posting about what their cat did this morning or entreaties to have a positive day.

The History of the Credit Card

2009-06-09T13:36:00.000-04:00

A visual history of the credit card.

Countries That Smoke The Most

2009-06-05T09:50:00.002-04:00

Once again, Canada falls behind the rest of the world in smoking. It's apparent that what's needed is a government program aimed at getting teens and children smoking, so we can beat the global competition.

Courtesy of the good people at Japan Probe.

Space Monkey Pictures

2009-06-05T09:45:00.003-04:00

It seems to weird that we once did this - put monkeys into space. But we did, and their contribution to the space program shouldn't go unnoticed, as they blazed the trail for the eventual Pigs in Space program.

Space Monkeys

100 Abandoned Houses

2009-06-05T09:43:00.001-04:00

Unfortunately just the outside, but still interesting to look at.

100 Abandoned Houses

Tortue Apology Chart

2009-06-05T09:41:00.001-04:00

Just in case your boss calls you in to explain how the team-building exercise you were in charge of went so horribly, horribly wrong.

Torture Apology Chart

Explosions and Boobs

2009-06-05T09:38:00.002-04:00

Once again, the Internet justifies its existence.

Explosions and Boobs

Yokohama Port Photos

2009-06-05T09:34:00.001-04:00

Great photo series on Yokohama Port, which turns 150 years old this year.

Mainichi Dailt News

Just Making It Up OR Your Memory Hates You

2009-05-29T13:53:00.003-04:00

Incredibly interesting article about confabulatory hypermensia, a disorder that is the opposite of amnesia, in which suffers make up past events:

"Most strikingly, LM confabulated plausible answers to questions about both his personal life and public events, which would normally elicit from most people an answer of "I don't know". When the researchers asked him "Who won the Palme d'Or at the Cannes Film Festival in 1980?" he replied "Fernandel"; when asked what he had for dinner on Tuesday two weeks ago, he answered "Steak with french fries"; and when asked "Do you remember what you did on March 13th, 1985?" he replied "We spent the day at the Senart Forest."

LM thus has a "pure" amnesic syndrome, in that his impairment is not associated with other cognitive deficits which might interfere with memory function. He scored normally on short-term memory tests, and the evaluation revealed mild, diffuse neurodegeneration, rather than damage in a specific part of the brain. False memories are not uncommon in patients with Korsakoff's syndrome - indeed the condition is also referred to as amnesic-confabulatory syndrome. However, the confabulations of such patients are sometimes extraordinary, bizarre and verging on being delusional. LM's confabulations, on the other hand, were always plausible, and therefore quite unlike those reported in other Korsakoff's patients. "

Charts About Beer

2009-05-29T13:51:00.001-04:00

It needs to be noted that Canada is not included on any of these charts about beer.

Infographics about Beer

Vintage Airline Logos

2009-05-29T13:50:00.003-04:00

There's not enough rainbows in corporate logos these days.

Vintage Airline Logos

Street Photography for the Purist

2009-05-29T13:43:00.000-04:00

Great street photography.

Alternate Movie Endings

2009-05-29T06:59:00.002-04:00

Dante gets shot? Rambo gets killed? Ash ends up in a post-apocalyptic Detroit? What a world to imagine, indeed.

6 Movies with Alternate Depressing Endings

The Future of the Telephohe, British Style

2009-05-29T06:58:00.001-04:00

Supposing the telephone could provide vision instead of sound?
Suppose indeed.

The Science News Cycle

2009-05-22T16:36:00.001-04:00

Real Estate Jesus

2009-04-23T14:06:00.002-04:00

Why not just sacrifice a virgin real estate agent and smear the blood on the front door?

From The National Post:

"A two-inch statue of St. Joseph is fast becoming a selling tool for homeowners and real estate agents trying to gain an edge in an uncertain market.

As tradition has it, the replicas of the husband of the Virgin Mary are usually buried upside down and a foot below ground and are supposed to lend a divine hand in helping to find a willing buyer.

Those who follow it seriously also pray to St. Joseph, who is the patron saint of carpenters but is also claimed by real estate agents.

At the Liturgica religious goods store in Ottawa, sales of the statues are up 50% since last year. And in Calgary, at Lumen Christi, the statues are moving through the store by the case."

Street Scenes

2009-04-16T09:58:00.001-04:00

Some photo trickery-doo here, but fascinating.

Next Time I Time Travel...

2009-04-16T09:54:00.001-04:00

...this poster will come in handy.

Chrysler CEO: "Fuck It, We're Doing Hover Cars"

2009-03-30T15:04:00.002-04:00

Detroit (AP) -- Chrysler Chief Executive Robert Nardelli stated, responding to a question about what Chrysler would do with any government stimulus money, replied "Yeah, fuck it, we're doing hover cars."

"We've had the technology since the '60's," said Nardelli, "but we've been sitting on it. Back then we had a group of NASA engineers who worked out how to build hover cars but we thought it would cut into the sales of the LeBaron. And there were some logistical problems with flight paths and parking, so we put the plans under some books, locked it in a safe in the basement and tried to forget about them. But now, man, we are circling the drain, so we've decided to go with the hover cars."

"Yeah, hover cars," Nardelli responded to a question from an incredulous reporter. "You ever see the Jetsons? Back to the Future 2? These cars levitate above the ground and you can fly them all over. Ioacca had a proto-type built for his kids in the early 80's, but he crashed one night after a Labor Day BBQ."

When asked how this would impact Chrysler's economic status, Nardelli replied, "Couldn't hurt, could it?"

Nardelli said Chrysler would start production the first hover car as soon as the combination to the lock on the safe could be found.

GM's Fail, In Handy Graph Form

2009-03-30T15:01:00.002-04:00

Let's Nuke Toronto

2009-03-30T14:58:00.002-04:00

Nice time waster that allows you to see the range of various nuclear weapons, plus an asteroid impact, would have on your hometown.

Ground Zero

The Pope Hates Him Some Condoms

2009-03-19T16:54:00.003-04:00

Once again the Pope said something absurd about sex, AIDs and contraception, and then the Vatican spin doctors tried to tamp down the comments.

And once again I have to ask: why does anyone still listen to him, or anyone in the Catholic Church? Any moral stance they might have had has been eroded by the years of kiddie raping and covering it up.

Beyond Embiggens and Cromulent

2009-03-19T16:48:00.002-04:00

When you read The Simpsons in this format, the last four seasons actually seem funny.

Episode: Co-Dependent’s Day. Episode #: 1515 EABF10 SI-1510

Back-formation, morphology, bound cran-morphs:
Marge is in an al-anon meeting and Otto says, “You know how some people are chocoholics? Well, I’m an ALcoholic!”
(approx 20 mins into episode)

Same episode 3 minutes later:
Marge says to the group, “My name is Marge S, and I’m a Homerholic!’ Otto says, “You’re drinking homerhol? I’ll take a swig!”

Goodyear and Science

2009-03-19T16:35:00.003-04:00

It does matter whether or not Goodyear believes in Creationism. If the Minister of Health thought homeopathy was medicine, or if the minister in charged of Immigration thought that the white man was superior to all others, we would all be in an uproar, and justifiably so.

If MP Goodyear had responded in the same way to a similar question about gravity or the earth's rotation, he would be stripped of his portfolio faster than an apple would hit the ground.

My objection to the Minister of Science of Technology/Evolution brouhaha is the question itself - evolution isn't a matter of belief. To ask someone if they believe in gravity or thermodynamics would be silly - it's not a matter of belief, it's a matter of fact. Creationists have fogged this issue so much that it's acceptable to even ask this question, which is the true controversy here.

Portable Computers, Circa 1982

2009-03-18T16:45:00.003-04:00

Get a car phone and a pimp daddy beeper, and you are ready to roll.

Detroit's Decline

2009-03-16T11:51:00.000-04:00

The End of the Motor City.

Can't Find A Damn Parking Space Anywhere

2009-03-06T13:31:00.003-05:00

To celebrate Toronto's birthday, here's a fascinating blog post about how difficult (not to mention wasteful) it is to get a parking spot in Toronto.

Venice From Above

2009-03-06T13:29:00.003-05:00

I haven't been there, but here some amazing shots of Venice from above

This Just In: Automotive Industry is In Trouble

2009-03-06T13:27:00.003-05:00

The lack of car sales has meant that the unused cars are sitting, unused, all over the world.

Train Wrecks

2009-03-06T13:23:00.004-05:00

I'm almost as fascinated with abandoned buildings as I am with train wrecks.

Happy Birthday Toronto

2009-03-06T13:18:00.002-05:00

Toronto turns 175 years old today and to celebrate, here are some pictures of old Toronto from the good people at Torontoist.

True fact: when the city was formed in 1834, the first city council immediately raised property taxes and passed a law that horse manure had to be placed in three different colour-coded containers.

Catholic Church: Crazier Than Mormons, Crazier Than Scientologists - Now That's Crazy!

2009-03-06T13:13:00.004-05:00

I'm not sure why anyone listens to the Catholic Church anymore, what with all the kiddie raping and the cover-ups, but here's more proof that the Church is absolutely irrelevant and immoral: Bishop Punishes Mom for Girl's Abortion.

A 9-year old girl (9!) is allegedly raped by her stepfather and becomes pregnant with twins - and she gets an abortion, the Catholic Church throws the evil eye over all involved - except for the stepfather, apparently.

I've said it before, and I will say again - if the Catholic Church was a secular organization it would have been shut down years ago. Somehow, though, believing in ghosts and women who get impregnated by space gods makes you immune from the laws and morals of everyone else.

Nichitsu Ghost Town

2009-02-27T16:43:00.000-05:00

Is there anything creepier than an abandoned hospital?

Abandoned Power Plants

2009-02-27T16:41:00.001-05:00

One day I will confront my fascination with abandoned places. Until then, I will continue to enjoy pages such as these.

Third Reich Architecture

2009-02-18T15:57:00.002-05:00

Sure, they were evil, but they did build some wicked buildings.

How About Making A Car That People Want To Buy?

2009-02-18T15:51:00.002-05:00

I am the only one to notice that when GM talks about getting more money from the government, (and still cut jobs) they never mention using it to build a car that people would want to buy?

Mailbox Profanity

2009-02-13T09:09:00.003-05:00

I had to drop off my tax bill on my way to work, and when I opened the mailbox, someone had written, in black magic marker, 'Fuck You' on the drawer. Amused, I was also impressed that someone took the time to write on the inside of the box.

And they say the youth of today is headed nowhere.

Ten Most Stolen Books From UK Book Shops

2009-02-13T09:06:00.001-05:00

#9 - Oxford dictionary? Really? Perhaps there is some hope for us after all...

Ten most stolen from UK shops

1. London A-Zs:

London Street Atlas

by Geographers' A-Z Map Co. Paperback, £4.35

2. Ordnance Survey maps:

Exmoor Explorer Map

by Ordnance Survey. Paperback, £5.99

3. Terry Pratchett novels:

The Colour of Magic

by Terry Pratchett. Paperback. £5.44

4. Harry Potter books: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

by J.K. Rowling.

Hardback children's edition, £10.43

5. Lonely Planet travel guides:

Great Britain - a Lonely Planet Country Guide by David Else. Paperback, £11.49

6. The Lord of the Rings trilogy:

Lord of the Rings: 50th Anniversary Edition by J.R.R. Tolkien. Hardback, £24.50

7. Martina Cole novels:

Faces by Martina Cole. Paperback, £7.59

8. Jacqueline Wilson novels:

Secrets by Jacqueline Wilson. Paperback, £6.49

9. The Oxford English Dictionary:

Oxford Dictionary of English by Catherine Soanes and Angus Stevenson (editors). Hardback, £22.75

10. The Highway Code:

The Official Highway Code by the Department for Transport and the Driving Standards Agency. Paperback, £1.59

According to independent booksellers (all prices from amazon.co.uk)

My Spam Is Coming On To Me

2009-02-13T09:02:00.001-05:00

Not sure which one I should be more fearful of.

Bush's Brain Wants To Be My Friend

2009-02-05T09:46:00.000-05:00

I'm afraid. Very, very afraid.

I Hate Groundhog Day

2009-02-04T16:15:00.005-05:00

Yes, I know I'm a curmudgeon, but media coverage of Groundhog Day really pisses me off. Such a stupid superstition. If news crews rushed out when it was a very red dusk, or when someone walked under a ladder, we would think of this as a waste of time. So what's different here?

Apparently the rodent only has an accuracy rating of 40% (here are some fancy charts to prove it) which is about as accurate as flipping a coin.

Propped up by the greeting card companies in an unholy alliance with the oil companies, no doubt.

The New Frontiersman

2009-02-04T16:13:00.001-05:00

Great viral marketing: building a website based on the magazine in The Watchmen.
Still don't think the movie will work without sacrificing all the good bits, but we will see.

The New Frontiersman.

Long Exposure Photography

2009-02-04T16:10:00.002-05:00

Breathtaking.

Link.

Principles of the American Cargo Cult

2009-02-04T16:08:00.001-05:00

Everything that is wrong with Americans. And people, really.

III. It's not your fault

If it's good for you, it's good

Society is everyone else.

Good intentions suffice

You can always apologize.

There is no long term

Don't miss an opportunity.

Consequences are things that happen to others

Only you can hold yourself accountable. Don't let others make you do that.
If somebody starts the blame game, you can still win it.
There are evil people and institutions, and surely one of them is more responsible than you are.

You are not the problem

An ugly image means a bad mirror.

Principles of the American Cargo Cult

The Most Beautiful Words in the English Language

2009-02-04T16:05:00.001-05:00

I've always been partial to ebullient, but melliflous is also nice.

1	adroit	Dexterous, agile.
2	adumbrate	To very gently suggest.
3	aestivate	To summer, to spend the summer.
4	ailurophile	A cat-lover.
5	beatific	Befitting an angel or saint.
6	beleaguer	To exhaust with attacks.
7	blandiloquent	Beautiful and flattering.
8	caliginous	Dark and misty.
9	champagne	An effervescent wine.
10	chatoyant	Like a cat's eye.
11	chiaroscuro	The arrangement of dark and light elements in a picture.

The 100 Most Beautiful Words in English

The Metric System is the Tool of the Devil: Unusual Units of Measurement

2009-02-04T16:01:00.002-05:00

My car gets 12 rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it.

Hobo Power - Radio personality Adam Carolla came up with this one: a measure of how bad something smells. It ranges from 0 (not stinky at all) to 100 (lethal). A "robust fart" is about 13 hobo. At 50 hobo, the person doing the smelling would projectile vomit.

jerk - Ever feel a jerk of the car when you accelerate fast? Well, engineers define a jerk as a unit of the rate of change of acceleration. 1 jerk is equal to 0.3048 m/sec³.

jiffy - there are two definitions of a jiffy, both of which are units of time and mean very, very fast. In computer engineering, a jiffy is one cycle or one tick of the computer's system clock. It is 0.01 second. The second definition is the time required for light to travel one centimeter, as proposed by American chemisty Gilbert Lewis. This translates to 33.3564 picoseconds.

Fun and Unusual Units of Measurement

Miracle, Smiracle

2009-01-16T16:30:00.002-05:00

The landing of US Airways Flight 1549 into the Hudson wasn't a miracle, unless you by "miracle" you mean "an experienced and competent pilot relied on his training and instincts to safely land a plane".

Besides, if God had anything to do it, wouldn't he have prevented the birds from being sucked into the engine in the first place?

The World's Most Dangerous Roads

2009-01-16T09:45:00.002-05:00

This one is worse than Steeles -- but only by a little.

Most Dangerous Roads

Logic Test

2009-01-16T09:36:00.001-05:00

I got 13 out of 15... but one of them is a 'controversial', according to the results. So, I'm going to be illogical and give myself that point.

Arm-chair logic test

Test your own logic - complete our online test below to get your ranking. Read the following premises, and then specify whether or not the arguments are valid or invalid. Then press the "submit" button to get your results.

Question 1.
a) All ducks quack.
b) Donald is a duck.

Conclusion
Therefore: Donald quacks.

Valid Invalid

Question 2.
a) All female logicians are clear thinkers.
b) All lawyers are clear thinkers.

Conclusion
Therefore all female logicians are lawyers.

Valid Invalid

Question 3.
a) Men think only about sex.
b) A man called Gary is thinking.

Conclusion
Therefore Gary is thinking about sex.

Valid Invalid

Question 4.
a) Where there is poverty there is crime.
b) There is poverty in Camberwell.

Conclusion
Therefore there is crime in Camberwell.

Valid Invalid

Question 5.
a) Where there is poverty there is crime.
b) There is crime in Camberwell.

Conclusion
Therefore there must be poverty in Camberwell.

Valid Invalid

Question 6.

a) Some mammals are marsupials.
b) All kangaroos are mammals.

Conclusion
Therefore all kangaroos are marsupials.

Valid Invalid

Question 7.
a) All ducks bark.
b) Donald is a duck.

Conclusion
Therefore Donald barks.

Valid Invalid

Question 8.
a) When I get hungry I could eat a horse.
b) I am hungry now.

Conclusion
Therefore I should eat a horse.

Valid Invalid

Question 9.
a) Blue and yellow make green.
b) Blue and red make brown.

Conclusion
Therefore blue and white make sky blue.

Valid Invalid

Question 10.
a) Jenny lives in Paris.
b) Paris is in New Zealand.

Conclusion
Therefore Jenny lives in New Zealand.

Valid Invalid

Question 11.
a) Men are from Mars.
b) Women are from Venus.

Conclusion
Therefore men and women will never understand each other.

Valid Invalid

Question 12.
a) The man was stabbed to death.
b) Mary was seen leaving the scene of the crime shortly after the time of the murder.
c) Blood found on Mary's trousers was the same as the victim's.
d) Only Mary's fingerprints were found on the murder weapon.
e) No other people were witnessed near the scene of the crime.
f) Mary's DNA was found on the victim's body.
g) The CCTV evidence showed only Mary entering and leaving the victim's flat.

Conclusion
Therefore Mary committed the murder.

Valid Invalid

Question 13.
a) Only language users employ generalisations.
b) Not a single animal uses language.
c) At least some animals reason.

Conclusion
Therefore reasoning beings employ generalisations.

Valid Invalid

Question 14.
The results from a logic test taken by 500 women and 500 men showed that:
a) Some women are more logical than some men.
b) Some men are more logical than some women.
c) The top ten performers were all women.
d) The bottom ten performers were all men.

Conclusion
Therefore the results prove that overall women in the test were better than the men at the logic.

Valid Invalid

Question 15.
a) Water is a molecule composed of two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom.
b) Every observation or examination by microscope has confirmed this.

Conclusion
Therefore we can predict that every future examination of water will reveal the same chemical composition.

Valid Invalid

Fark Headlines of 2008

2009-01-06T11:50:00.000-05:00

Farking good.

20: PETA activist changes her name from Rachel Feather to Rachel FishingHurts. One letter off from a new career in porn

19: A Cambridgeshire church has lost its "Spitting Vicar". The English language, however, has gained another euphemism for "Penis"

18: Explosion at winery leaves workers weak bodied with a rich red hue, containing discernible hints of charred debris and strong character best described as dead

17: Last German WWI veteran dies at age 107. WE WIN

16: Woman who had phone sex with a man claims he raped her... over the phone. Man says that is impossible, he doesn't even work for Verizon

15: Teacher found guilty of cramming 13 people at once into his Volvo. Paris Hilton congratulates him on breaking her record before realizing she misunderstood the statement

14: 2 charged in stabbing of 3. In related news, 6 in hiding over fears that 7 8 9

13: Gerbil causes 3-car accident; article doesn't say which gere he was in at the time

12: Father of two crushed to death after falling into printing press. This story is continued on Pages 3, 4, 9 and 10

11: MILFish math teacher learns that 17 does not go into 35 without a serious remainder

10: Now that certain words -- like the other word for donkey -- must be filtered on the Internet: President Abraham Lincoln was buttbuttinated by an armed buttailant after a life devoted to the reform of the U.S. consbreastution

9: Disagreements shake Djibouti. Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake Djibouti

8: Oral sex study finds that people only read the first two words of web headlines

7: Two swimmers dead, Juan Moore missing

6: Smoking named 'the most offensive thing you can do in someone else's house', narrowly edging out "their wife"

5: Baptist minister calls birth control "murder." Your mom's face now a crime scene

4: One armed girl swims circles around competition

3: You are what your mother eats. So, if you turn out to be a bit of a dick, you know why

2: "Spam King" sentenced to 47 months of having his inbox filled with unsolicited male

And the #1 Headline of 2008 is:

1: Five killed and dozens injured in perfume factory fire. EAU DE HUMANITY

Screwdrivers

2009-01-06T11:47:00.004-05:00

An incredibly fascinating site on screwdrivers. The tool kind, not the vodka kind.

When a Phillips is not a Phillips! - More DIY How To Projects

Lake Superior State University List of Banished Words 2009

2009-01-06T11:44:00.002-05:00

All those words you wish would go away in 2009.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"It's that time of year again!"

Lake Superior State University "maverick" word-watchers, fresh from the holiday "staycation" but without an economic "bailout" even after a "desperate search," have issued their 34th annual List of Words to Be Banished from the Queen's English for Mis-use, Over-use and General Uselessness. This year's list may be more "green" than any of the previous lists and includes words and phrases that people from "Wall Street to Main Street" say they love "not so much" and wish to have erased from their "carbon footprint."

Environmental buzzwords are getting the axe this year. "Green" and "going green" received the most nominations.

GREEN – The ubiquitous 'Green' and all of its variables, such as 'going green,' 'building green,' 'greening,' 'green technology,' 'green solutions' and more, drew the most attention from those who sent in nominations this year.

"This phrase makes me go green every time I hear it." Danielle Brunin, Lawrence, Kansas.

"I'm all for being environmentally responsible, but this 'green' needs to be nipped in the bud." Valerie Gilson, Gales Ferry, Conn.

"Companies are less 'green' than ever, advertising the fact they are 'green.' Is anyone buying this nonsense?" Mark Etchason, Denver, Colo.

"If something is good for the environment, just say so. As Kermit would say, 'It isn't easy being green.'" Kevin Sherlock, Hiawatha, Iowa.

"If I see one more corporation declare itself 'green,' I'm going to start burning tires in my backyard." Ed Hardiman, Bristow, Va.

"This spawned 'green solutions,' 'green technology,' and the horrible use of the word as a verb, as in, 'We really need to think about greening our office.'" Mike McDermott, Philadelphia, Penn.

CARBON FOOTPRINT or CARBON OFFSETTING – "It is now considered fashionable for everyone, tree hugger or lumberjack alike, to pay money to questionable companies to 'offset' their own 'carbon footprint.' What a scam! Get rid of it immediately!" Ginger Hunt, London, England.

Mike of Chicago says that when he hears the phrase 'carbon footprint,' "I envision microscopic impressions on the surface of the earth where an atom of carbon forgot to wear its shoes."

Christy Loop of Woodbridge, Va., says that 'leaving a carbon footprint' has become the new 'politically incorrect.' "How can we not, in one way or another, affect our natural environment?"

Presidential election years are always ripe for language abuse. This year, the electorate grew weary of 'mavericks' and 'super delegates.' As Michael W. Casby of Haslett, Mich. said, when he suggested banning all of the candidates' names, "Come on, it's been another too-long campaign season."

MAVERICK – "The constant repetition of this word for months before the US election diluted whatever meaning it previously had. Even the comic offshoot 'mavericky' was terribly overused. A minimum five-year banishment of both words is suggested so they will not be available during the next federal election." Matthew Mattila, Green Bay, Wisc.

"You know it's time to banish this word when even the Maverick family, who descended from the rancher who inspired the term, says it's being mis-used." Scott Urbanowski, Kentwood, Mich.

"I'm a maverick, he's a maverick, wouldn't you like to be a maverick, too?" Michael Burke, Silver Spring, Md.

FIRST DUDE – "Skateboard English is not an appropriate way to refer to the spouse of a high-ranking public official." Paul Ruschmann, Canton, Mich.

Of course, the economy couldn't escape the list this year.

BAILOUT – "Use of emergency funds to remove toxic assets from banks' balance sheets is not a bailout. When your cousin calls you from jail in the middle of the night, he wants a bailout." Ben Green, State College, Penn.

"Is it a loan? Is it a purchase of assets by the government? Is it a gift made by the taxpayers?" Dave Gill, Traverse City, Mich.

"Now it seems as though every sector of the economy wants a bailout. Unfortunately, ordinary workers can't qualify." Tony, McLeansville, NC.

"Don't we love how Capitol Hill will bailout Wall Street, but not Main Street"? Derrick Chamberlain, Midland, Mich.

Speaking of Wall Street and Main Street…

WALL STREET/MAIN STREET – "When this little dyad first came into use at the start of the financial crisis, I thought it was a clever use of parallelism. But it's simply over-used. No 'serious' discussion of the crisis can take place without some political figure lamenting the fact that the trouble on Wall Street is affecting 'folks' on Main Street." Charles Harrison, Aiken, SC.

"The recent and continuing financial failings are not limited to 'Wall Street,' nor should one paint business, consumers, and small investors as ' Main Street .' Topeka (where I work), and Lawrence (where I live), Kansas, have no named ' Main Street .' How tiresome." Kent McAnally, Topeka, KS. "I am so tired of hearing about everything affecting ' Main Street .' I know that with the 'Wall Street' collapse, the comparison is convenient, but really, let's find another way to talk about everyman or the middle class, or even, heaven forbid, 'Joe the Plumber.'" Stacey, Knoxville, Tenn.

Internet and texting blues -MONKEY – "Especially on the Internet, many people seem to think they can make any boring name sound more attractive just by adding the word 'monkey' to it. Do a search to find the latest. It is no longer funny." Rogier Landman, Somerville, Mass.

<3>Supposed to resemble a heart, or stand for the word 'love.' Used when sending those important text messages to loved ones. "Just say the word instead of making me turn my head sideways and wondering what 'less than three' means." Andrea Estrada, Chicago.

Overuse in news and entertainment

ICON or ICONIC – Overused, especially among entertainers and in entertainment news, according to Robyn Yates of Dallas, who says that "every actor, actress and entertainment magazine show overuses this." One of the most-nominated words of the year. "Everyone and everything cannot be 'iconic.' Can't we switch to 'legendary' or 'famous for'? In our entertainment-driven culture, it seems everyone in show business is 'iconic' for some reason or another. "John Flood, Bray, Wicklow, Ireland. "It's becoming the new 'awesome' - overused to the point where everything from a fast-food restaurant chain to celebrities is 'iconic.'" Jodi Gill, New Berlin, Wisc. "Just because a writer recognizes something does not make it an icon (a visual symbol or representation which inspires worship or veneration) or iconic. It just means that the writer has seen it before." Brian Murphy, Fairfield, Conn.

GAME CHANGER – "It's game OVER for this cliché, which gets overused in the news media, political arenas and in business." Cynthia, Mt. Pleasant, Mich.

STAYCATION – "Occurrences of this word are going up with gas prices.'Vacation' does not mean 'travel,' nor does travel always involve vacation. Let's send this word on a slow boat to nowhere." Dan Muldoon, Omaha, Neb.

"The cost of petrol forces many families to curtail their summer voyages and a new word has sprung, idiotic and rootless..." Michele Mooney, Los Angeles, Calif.

DESPERATE SEARCH – "Every time the news can't find something intelligent to report, they start on a 'desperate search' for someone, somewhere." Rick A. Hyatt, Saratoga, Wyo.

NOT SO MUCH – "I wish that the phrase was used not so much," says Tom Benson of Milwaukee, who notes that it is used widely in news media, especially in sports, i.e. 'The Gophers have a shot at the playoffs; the Chipmunks, not so much.' "Casual language usage is acceptable. 'Not so much?' Not so much." David Hollis, Hubbardsville, NY. "Do I like concise writing? Yes. Do I like verbose clichés? Not so much." David W. Downing, St. Paul, Minn. "A favorite of snarky critics and bloggers." Jeff Baenen, Minneapolis, Minn.

WINNER OF FIVE NOMINATIONS – "It hasn't won an Academy Award yet. It has only been NOMINATED!" John Bohenek, Abilene, Tex.

IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN – Nominated by Kathleen Brosemer of Sault Ste. Marie, Ont., for "general overuse and meaninglessness. When is it not 'that time of year again?' From Valentine's sales to year-end charity letters, invitations to summer picnics and Christmas parties, it's 'that time' of year again. Just get to the point of the solicitation, invitation, and newsletter and cut out six useless and annoying words."

The Best Songs of 2008

2008-12-30T14:14:00.003-05:00

Here's my completely biased and personal list:

War On Drugs - Taking The Farm

NQ Arbuckle - Postcard From Princess

Jason Collett - Out of Time

Gentleman Reg - You Can't Get It Back

Passenger - Night Vision Binoculars

Petunia - Cold Heart Breaker

Matthew Barber - (I'm Gonna) Settle My Accounts With You

Lake of Stew - Mary Margaret

Sloan - Believe In Me

Eagles Of Death Metal - Wanna Be In L.A.

Weezer - Troublemaker

Armin van Buuren - Going Wrong (with DJ Shah feat. Chris Jones)

City And Colour - Sleeping Sickness

The Verve - Love is Noise

Metro Station - Shake It

Amongst Friends - Oxford Collapse

Royal Winnipeg Porn Orchestra - Smokin' Cigarettes And Watchin' Hockey Night In Canada

The Stills - Being Here

Two Hours Traffic - Heroes of the Sidewalk

The Airborne Toxic Event - Sometime Around Midnight

The Ting Tings - Shut Up And Let Me Go

The New Pornographers - The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism

The Danks - Treaty Connector

City and Colour - Waiting... (Radio Edit)

The Raconteurs - Salute Your Solution

Attack In Black - Young Leaves

Elliott Brood - Fingers and Tongues

Winter Gloves - Let Me Drive

Human - The Killers

Kings of Leon - Sex on Fire

Google Zeitgeist 2008

2008-12-10T15:42:00.002-05:00

All the search trends for 2008. Frightening in it's comprehensiveness. Below is the top 10 fastest rising searches - obviously, Google filtered out all the porn searches.

Fastest Rising (Global)

sarah palin
beijing 2008
facebook login
tuenti
heath ledger
obama
nasza klasa
wer kennt wen
euro 2008
jonas brothers

Interactive Map of Springfield

2008-12-10T15:40:00.002-05:00

Stunning in it's beauty.

Bob Rae Steps Aside

2008-12-10T11:20:00.003-05:00

Rae rae stepped aside, claiming that no deals were made, much the same way my daughter claims that she didn’t eat the last cookie in the package. Undoubtedly the Libs learned from last time – having two strong candidates in contention for leader opened up the possibility of a wishy washy compromise candidate – and fearing another Miss Congeniality taking the reins Rae stepped aside to let Iggy take over – and probably fail.

Rae rae is looking smarter every minute – Iggy isn’t the candidate to galvanize the nation (though no doubt the Obama comparisons will be made with straight faces) unless he takes my advice and appears shirtless at press conferences and ends every photo op by spreading himself in peanut butter and jumping from the rafters. The first punk Prime Minister? Worth a shot.

He probably won’t though (but, please, one time use Lust for Life at a campaign stop. Or I Wanna Be Your Dog. A sure vote getter) and will be in the same position Dion was and will have to force an election if wants to keep his cojones. You know Harper is going to push him into it – have we not learned by now that cyborgs must try and destroy their human creators? – and then take Iggy apart for causing another election.

Liberal Leadership

2008-12-09T09:55:00.004-05:00

The problem with the Libs expanding the leadership nomination from 77 people to 800 is that they still only get to pick Rae-Rae and Iggy. Kind of like getting the right to vote in Cuba and choosing between Castro and Castro's brother.

Prorogue Her? I Hardly Know Her!

2008-12-05T09:46:00.003-05:00

Some thoughts on the recent mess:

1) After an election with one of the lowest voter turnout, the reaction by the public has been heartening. People have been divided either way, but, everyone seems to have an opinion. There's been a renewed interest in the government and in particular the parliamentary system, which has brought up other ancillary issues, including the lack of education on these matters. Sad to say that most Canadians could probably explain the American system much better than their own.

2) The Governor General should be replaced by a popularly elected President. Having this much power in the hands of an unelected official grates against what most Canadians would consider democratic. Of course getting rid of the G-G would mean getting rid of the British Monarchy (or a very delicate tap dance on the edge of the waterfall in order to keep it) A major undertaking and not going to be happening anytime soon, but it's the direction Canada should move towards.

3) The Liberals need to fire their communications people. All of them. The Dion web cam response to Harper's televised address was amateur hour at the Mickey Mouse club on volunteer night. There are three explanations: i) all of them are incompetent ii) the communications team hates Dion and is secretly working against him or iii) i and ii.
That particular move sunk the Coalition, which was on shaky ground with Dion at the helm. Could he have looked any less Prime Ministerial? Answer: No, no he could not have.

4) We should have never allowed the Bloc to sit in the House of Commons. That horse has left the gate (and then died and was turned into glue that was used to fix the gate) but most of the vitriol directed at the coalition has been the inclusion of the Separatists. The photo op on Monday of Dion, Layton and Duceppe shaking hands over usurping the elected government will go down in the history books. Of course the BQ signed on in order to get what it wanted for Quebec, and if the Coalition did take power, it would have been a disaster. Forget about Quebec succession, the West would have packed up their oil fields and potash and formed their own country.

Without a Bloc, The political landscape of the last 20 years would have been very different, and without the BQ to divy up the votes, we wouldn't have had a minority government at all and wouldn't have been in this mess.

5) Dion is done. Iggy and Bobby Rae missed a great chance to rise above this partisan bickering and say that they would be willing to work with the Tories, so they are done too.

The Liberals have come very close to extinction, both with the severe loss in the last election and this partisan putsch, and there needs to be a serious examination of what to do next. Merging with the NDP, as the PCs did with the Reform party, seems unfeasible, but they could get the Green party back. The Liberals need to figure out what they stand for, other than being not the Tories and being in power. At least with the Tories you know what they stand for - fiscal conservatism, slightly right-leaning social policies. The fact that they have won two minority governments in the past few years means that Canadians know what they stand for (unlike the Liberals) but aren't too keen on that message, but it's better than voting for a party that has no message (Liberals)

6) Layton will survive this. Of course he will - his mustache makes him invulnerable. The Dippers are so far out of the mainstream that no matter what they do, they will still maintain that nub of support. If they were smart they would move to the centre and take over the space that the Liberals used to occupy, and transform themselves into a centre-left party, instead of a wacky-left party. Layton would never let this happen, but if someone could sneak into his room one night and shave that mustache, his power would be drained.

7) Harper will survive this - for now. I thought he was done on Monday, but his request to prorogue the parliament means he gets to run a mini-campaign, come back with a budget and a stimulus package, and watch the coalition fall apart. He might not be the leader of the Tories in the next election (due in 2009, I would guess) but that would be a respectable run as PM.

8) This is a sad time for Canadian politics. This was all politics instead of government at a time when the country, particularly the economy, needs leadership and direction. The fall of the TSX (the worst drop since 1987) was no coincidence. The country could have put up with these kind of shenanigans with things are good, but with the layoffs and the apparent end of the American auto industry, the collapse of the lumber industry and the overall loss of consumer confidence meant that people were in no mood for these backroom deals and partisan bickering. The blame is big enough to go around: Harper for kicking the Liberals when they were down (taking away government funding for political parties), Dion, Laytong and Duceppe for trying to deny the will of the voters and take control of the government.

The Modern Library 100 Best Novels

2008-12-05T09:39:00.001-05:00

Two Ayn Rand novels in the top five? Are you kidding me?

ULYSSES by James Joyce
THE GREAT GATSBY by F. Scott Fitzgerald
A PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A YOUNG MAN by James Joyce
LOLITA by Vladimir Nabokov
BRAVE NEW WORLD by Aldous Huxley
THE SOUND AND THE FURY by William Faulkner
CATCH-22
DARKNESS AT NOON by Arthur Koestler
SONS AND LOVERS by D.H. Lawrence
THE GRAPES OF WRATH by John Steinbeck
UNDER THE VOLCANO by Malcolm Lowry
THE WAY OF ALL FLESH by Samuel Butler
1984 by George Orwell
I, CLAUDIUS by Robert Graves
TO THE LIGHTHOUSE by Virginia Woolf
AN AMERICAN TRAGEDY by Theodore Dreiser
THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER by Carson McCullers
SLAUGHTERHOUSE-FIVE by Kurt Vonnegut
INVISIBLE MAN by Ralph Ellison
NATIVE SON by Richard Wright
HENDERSON THE RAIN KING by Saul Bellow
APPOINTMENT IN SAMARRA by John O'Hara
U.S.A. (trilogy) by John Dos Passos
WINESBURG, OHIO by Sherwood Anderson
A PASSAGE TO INDIA by E.M. Forster
THE WINGS OF THE DOVE by Henry James
THE AMBASSADORS by Henry James
TENDER IS THE NIGHT by F. Scott Fitzgerald
THE STUDS LONIGAN TRILOGY by James T. Farrell
THE GOOD SOLDIER by Ford Madox Ford
ANIMAL FARM by George Orwell
THE GOLDEN BOWL by Henry James
SISTER CARRIE by Theodore Dreiser
A HANDFUL OF DUST by Evelyn Waugh
AS I LAY DYING by William Faulkner
ALL THE KING'S MEN by Robert Penn Warren
THE BRIDGE OF SAN LUIS REY by Thornton Wilder
HOWARDS END by E.M. Forster
GO TELL IT ON THE MOUNTAIN by James Baldwin
THE HEART OF THE MATTER by Graham Greene
LORD OF THE FLIES by William Golding
DELIVERANCE by James Dickey
A DANCE TO THE MUSIC OF TIME (series) by Anthony Powell
POINT COUNTER POINT by Aldous Huxley
THE SUN ALSO RISES by Ernest Hemingway
THE SECRET AGENT by Joseph Conrad
NOSTROMO by Joseph Conrad
THE RAINBOW by D.H. Lawrence
WOMEN IN LOVE by D.H. Lawrence
TROPIC OF CANCER by Henry Miller
THE NAKED AND THE DEAD by Norman Mailer
PORTNOY'S COMPLAINT by Philip Roth
PALE FIRE by Vladimir Nabokov
LIGHT IN AUGUST by William Faulkner
ON THE ROAD by Jack Kerouac
THE MALTESE FALCON by Dashiell Hammett
PARADE'S END by Ford Madox Ford
THE AGE OF INNOCENCE by Edith Wharton
ZULEIKA DOBSON by Max Beerbohm
THE MOVIEGOER by Walker Percy
DEATH COMES FOR THE ARCHBISHOP by Willa Cather
FROM HERE TO ETERNITY by James Jones
THE WAPSHOT CHRONICLES by John Cheever
THE CATCHER IN THE RYE by J.D. Salinger
A CLOCKWORK ORANGE by Anthony Burgess
OF HUMAN BONDAGE by W. Somerset Maugham
HEART OF DARKNESS by Joseph Conrad
MAIN STREET by Sinclair Lewis
THE HOUSE OF MIRTH by Edith Wharton
THE ALEXANDRIA QUARTET by Lawrence Durell
A HIGH WIND IN JAMAICA by Richard Hughes
A HOUSE FOR MR BISWAS by V.S. Naipaul
THE DAY OF THE LOCUST by Nathanael West
A FAREWELL TO ARMS by Ernest Hemingway
SCOOP by Evelyn Waugh
THE PRIME OF MISS JEAN BRODIE by Muriel Spark
FINNEGANS WAKE by James Joyce
KIM by Rudyard Kipling
A ROOM WITH A VIEW by E.M. Forster
BRIDESHEAD REVISITED by Evelyn Waugh
THE ADVENTURES OF AUGIE MARCH by Saul Bellow
ANGLE OF REPOSE by Wallace Stegner
A BEND IN THE RIVER by V.S. Naipaul
THE DEATH OF THE HEART by Elizabeth Bowen
LORD JIM by Joseph Conrad
RAGTIME by E.L. Doctorow
THE OLD WIVES' TALE by Arnold Bennett
THE CALL OF THE WILD by Jack London
LOVING by Henry Green
MIDNIGHT'S CHILDREN by Salman Rushdie
TOBACCO ROAD by Erskine Caldwell
IRONWEED by William Kennedy
THE MAGUS by John Fowles
WIDE SARGASSO SEA by Jean Rhys
UNDER THE NET by Iris Murdoch
SOPHIE'S CHOICE by William Styron
THE SHELTERING SKY by Paul Bowles
THE POSTMAN ALWAYS RINGS TWICE by James M. Cain
THE GINGER MAN by J.P. Donleavy
THE MAGNIFICENT AMBERSONS by Booth Tarkington

ATLAS SHRUGGED by Ayn Rand
THE FOUNTAINHEAD by Ayn Rand
BATTLEFIELD EARTH by L. Ron Hubbard
THE LORD OF THE RINGS by J.R.R. Tolkien
TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD by Harper Lee
1984 by George Orwell
ANTHEM by Ayn Rand
WE THE LIVING by Ayn Rand
MISSION EARTH by L. Ron Hubbard
FEAR by L. Ron Hubbard
ULYSSES by James Joyce
CATCH-22 by Joseph Heller
THE GREAT GATSBY by F. Scott Fitzgerald
DUNE by Frank Herbert
THE MOON IS A HARSH MISTRESS by Robert Heinlein
STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND by Robert Heinlein
A TOWN LIKE ALICE by Nevil Shute
BRAVE NEW WORLD by Aldous Huxley
THE CATCHER IN THE RYE by J.D. Salinger
ANIMAL FARM by George Orwell
GRAVITY'S RAINBOW by Thomas Pynchon
THE GRAPES OF WRATH by John Steinbeck
SLAUGHTERHOUSE FIVE by Kurt Vonnegut
GONE WITH THE WIND by Margaret Mitchell
LORD OF THE FLIES by William Golding
SHANE by Jack Schaefer
TRUSTEE FROM THE TOOLROOM by Nevil Shute
A PRAYER FOR OWEN MEANY by John Irving
THE STAND by Stephen King
THE FRENCH LIEUTENANT'S WOMAN by John Fowles
BELOVED by Toni Morrison
THE WORM OUROBOROS by E.R. Eddison
THE SOUND AND THE FURY by William Faulkner
LOLITA by Vladimir Nabokov
MOONHEART by Charles de Lint
ABSALOM, ABSALOM! by William Faulkner
OF HUMAN BONDAGE by W. Somerset Maugham
WISE BLOOD by Flannery O'Connor
UNDER THE VOLCANO by Malcolm Lowry
FIFTH BUSINESS by Robertson Davies
SOMEPLACE TO BE FLYING by Charles de Lint
ON THE ROAD by Jack Kerouac
HEART OF DARKNESS by Joseph Conrad
YARROW by Charles de Lint
AT THE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS by H.P. Lovecraft
ONE LONELY NIGHT by Mickey Spillane
MEMORY AND DREAM by Charles de Lint
TO THE LIGHTHOUSE by Virginia Woolf
THE MOVIEGOER by Walker Percy
TRADER by Charles de Lint
THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY by Douglas Adams
THE HEART IS A LONELY HUNTER by Carson McCullers
THE HANDMAID'S TALE by Margaret Atwood
BLOOD MERIDIAN by Cormac McCarthy
A CLOCKWORK ORANGE by Anthony Burgess
ON THE BEACH by Nevil Shute
A PORTRAIT OF THE ARTIST AS A YOUNG MAN by James Joyce
GREENMANTLE by Charles de Lint
ENDER'S GAME by Orson Scott Card
THE LITTLE COUNTRY by Charles de Lint
THE RECOGNITIONS by William Gaddis
STARSHIP TROOPERS by Robert Heinlein
THE SUN ALSO RISES by Ernest Hemingway
THE WORLD ACCORDING TO GARP by John Irving
SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES by Ray Bradbury
THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE by Shirley Jackson
AS I LAY DYING by William Faulkner
TROPIC OF CANCER by Henry Miller
INVISIBLE MAN by Ralph Ellison
THE WOOD WIFE by Terri Windling
THE MAGUS by John Fowles
THE DOOR INTO SUMMER by Robert Heinlein
ZEN AND THE ART OF MOTORCYCLE MAINTENANCE by Robert Pirsig
I, CLAUDIUS by Robert Graves
THE CALL OF THE WILD by Jack London
AT SWIM-TWO-BIRDS by Flann O'Brien
FARENHEIT 451 by Ray Bradbury
ARROWSMITH by Sinclair Lewis
WATERSHIP DOWN by Richard Adams
NAKED LUNCH by William S. Burroughs
THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER by Tom Clancy
GUILTY PLEASURES by Laurell K. Hamilton
THE PUPPET MASTERS by Robert Heinlein
IT by Stephen King
V. by Thomas Pynchon
DOUBLE STAR by Robert Heinlein
CITIZEN OF THE GALAXY by Robert Heinlein
BRIDESHEAD REVISITED by Evelyn Waugh
LIGHT IN AUGUST by William Faulkner
ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST by Ken Kesey
A FAREWELL TO ARMS by Ernest Hemingway
THE SHELTERING SKY by Paul Bowles
SOMETIMES A GREAT NOTION by Ken Kesey
MY ANTONIA by Willa Cather
MULENGRO by Charles de Lint
SUTTREE by Cormac McCarthy
MYTHAGO WOOD by Robert Holdstock
ILLUSIONS by Richard Bach
THE CUNNING MAN by Robertson Davies
THE SATANIC VERSES by Salman Rushdie

Grunge's Greatest Videos

2008-12-05T09:33:00.002-05:00

Just finished reading Accidental Revolution and in a moment of coincidence, a list of the best grunge videos from the good people at Mental Floss.

Alice in Chains: “Man in the Box”
In this rough-edged gem, the Grim Reaper stalks the barnyard. No one captured the brooding self-loathing of grunge quite the way Alice in Chains did. They never wrote a happy song, and this is certainly no exception.

Temple of the Dog: “Hunger Strike”
This grunge-rock supergroup featured Soundgarden’s Chris Cornell and soon-to-be Pearl Jam rockers Eddie Vedder and Mike McCready. In this video for their big hit, they’re all standing on the same wheaty island (let’s assume it’s off the coast of Seattle), but they’re all standing apart from one another: typical “in my own Hell”-style grunge rock isolationism. (Kids in the Hall’s movie Brain Candy featured a right-on-the-money grunge parody song, the lyrics of which go something like “Some days it’s dark / Some days I work / I walk alone …”) These guys definitely walk alone.

Mother Love Bone: “Stardog Champion”
Mother Love Bone’s Andrew Wood would’ve ruled the grunge scene had he not OD’d in 1990. If he hadn’t, however, band members Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard might not have gone on to form Pearl Jam, and then where would my childhood be? But seriously: MLB sounds like Robert Plant if Robert Plant was born in Singles-era Seattle.

Primus: “Tommy the Cat”
Is Primus grunge? Inasmuch as they defy easy classification, I’d argue that they’re also very much a product of the grunge era, though their downright silly style stands in sharp contrast to the constant grimace worn by most grungers from 1989-1994. It’s just a shame that Tom Waits, who voices “Tommy,” declined to be in the video. (Secret fact: I bought a fretless bass in high school because of this song.)

Stone Temple Pilots: “Wicked Garden”
Sporting the weirdest band name in grunge, “STP” was initially just the letters — like the motor oil — until the guys decided they needed more than an acronym. They played as Stereo Temple Pirates for awhile, until their label pressured them to change it (though singer Scott Weiland does sound a little like a pirate … “I wanna run through your wicked gaaarrrden!”)

Soundgarden: “Black Hole Sun”
Is this an ad for Botox? Seriously, though: while the effects may look a little tame by today’s standards, the “Black Hole Sun” video was really a watershed moment for MTV (and for grunge), marking the beginning of serious computer-generated special effects in videos, and signaling a move toward shiny, hypercolor creepiness rather than dark, gritty creepiness (a la the “Man in the Box” video, for instance). And by the way, that little girl still gives me nightmares. (Then again, most do.)

Pearl Jam: “Jeremy”
Unique among the videos portrayed here — with the possible exception of “Heart-Shaped Box” — “Jeremy” doesn’t feel dated. Perhaps it’s because, other than being a rockin’ tune, in it Vedder portrays someone besides himself feeling angry and isolated; it’s got a nice specificity to it where other grunge songs feel general. The video reflects that.

Nirvana: “Heart-Shaped Box”
Santa on the cross! Mechanical crows! Krist Novoselic’s impossibly lavender pants! Maybe the best song of the grunge era, and certainly the best video. It takes the saturated colors and freaky religious imagery of “Black Hole Sun” and makes it into art rather than just a freakshow.

The Most Unethical Experiments

2008-12-05T09:29:00.000-05:00

The full list here.

Milgram Study
1974

The notorious Milgrim Study is one of the most well known of psychology experiments. Stanley Milgram, a social psychologist at Yale University, wanted to test obedience to authority. He set up an experiment with “teachers” who were the actual participants, and a “learner,” who was an actor. Both the teacher and the learner were told that the study was about memory and learning.

Both the learner and the teacher received slips that they were told were given to them randomly, when in fact, both had been given slips that read “teacher.” The actor claimed to receive a “learner” slip, so the teacher was deceived. Both were separated into separate rooms and could only hear each other. The teacher read a pair of words, following by four possible answers to the question. If the learner was incorrect with his answer, the teacher was to administer a shock with voltage that increased with every wrong answer. If correct, there would be no shock, and the teacher would advance to the next question.

In reality, no one was being shocked. A tape recorder with pre-recorded screams was hooked up to play each time the teacher administered a shock. When the shocks got to a higher voltage, the actor/learner would bang on the wall and ask the teacher to stop. Eventually all screams and banging would stop and silence would ensue. This was the point when many of the teachers exhibited extreme distress and would ask to stop the experiment. Some questioned the experiment, but many were encouraged to go on and told they would not be responsible for any results.

If at any time the subject indicated his desire to halt the experiment, he was told by the experimenter, Please continue. The experiment requires that you continue. It is absolutely essential that you continue. You have no other choice, you must go on. If after all four orders the teacher still wished to stop the experiment, it was ended. Only 14 out of 40 teachers halted the experiment before administering a 450 volt shock, though every participant questioned the experiment, and no teacher firmly refused to stop the shocks before 300 volts.

In 1981, Tom Peters and Robert H. Waterman Jr. wrote that the Milgram Experiment and the later Stanford prison experiment were frightening in their implications about the danger lurking in human nature’s dark side.

Liberal Led Coalition Government

2008-12-01T13:15:00.003-05:00

It's hard to believe that the Liberals, the Dippers and the Bloc would form a coalition government and wrest power over the Tories cutting their government funding, but here we are.

Toppling the government over a dispute this petty and forcing an election would be political suicide, but how could such a government govern with a straight face? In effect, it would be saying to the Canadian public 'yeah, those votes you have? They don't really count.'

Can a country be called a banana republic if they don't grow bananas?

Bush's "Went to China Moment"

2008-11-28T10:11:00.003-05:00

As the Bush presidency comes to an end, one thing that seems to have been overlooked is his failure to capture/kill Osama Bin Laden.

It's hard to see what the Bush years will mean ten years out, but with the economy in the crapper, two wars waging with no end in sight and the U.S. constitution used as a place mat, it's hard to put a positive spin on his legacy.

Nixon was similarly reviled, but decades later his reputation took an upswing with the emergence of China as a global economic power. If peace (or a semblance thereof) does come to the Middle East, Bush's reputation could receive a similar polishing.

But imagine he had captured/killed bin Laden. The former would have been preferred - bringing the terrorist to justice, have him put in chains in front of the world and let the very system that bin Laden tried to destroy, destroy him. Very fitting. Certainly the blow back would have been tremendous, but it would have been the moment that people would look back on as a definite milestone in the Bush presidency.

Another thought - what if Obama finds bin Laden? Couple that with getting the economy back on track, and Bush's reputation would sink to new lows.

100 Notable Books of the Year

2008-11-27T10:35:00.000-05:00

The full list is here.

Thought Police at Queen's University

2008-11-24T16:11:00.005-05:00

The only reason I can come up with is that Queen's doesn't want my money.

It's hard to figure out what my Alma matter has been up to the last little while. There was the course last year on hippies. Homecoming as turned into near riots, with the Kingston Police ceding control of parts of the student ghetto to party goers.

And now Queen's as introduced Thought Police.

The idea is to have 'trained' people interject themselves into conversations deemed 'offensive', especially if they use the word 'retard' or 'homo', and presumably other bad words, like 'stupid' and 'liberal'. The part that chills me is "along with an array of other language that could be deemed offensive."

I could go in as to whom is making those determinations, but that's familiar ground to re-tread. One presumes that if a student were to object to this program, (possibly by accurately calling it 'retarded' and 'really gay') he/she would be 'engaged in a dialogue' about 'inclusivity' -- all of which translates into keeping your mouth shut and going along.

The way the program was unveiled shows how out of touch Queen's has become. The media used the university as a speed bag, and the school responded with an email that further compounds the damage:

The Intergroup Dialogue program is not disciplinary but educational in nature, and more than anything else it resembles peer mentoring, long an established part of university life across Canada. It does not exist to force or even encourage consensus on any issue, except one: that freedom of speech and thought is impossible without respect, consideration, and a commitment to mutual understanding. It is difficult to see how we could claim to be educating global leaders if this commitment were not a cornerstone of our institutional life.

Yes. Well. Right.

Except that if a student is pulled aside and 'engaged in a conversation', it seems obvious that the student has been marked as being insensitive or politically incorrect or whatever term you want to call it. It might not be discipline, but it looks like discipline. The appeal to free speech is an interesting one, as most free speech seems to happen without 'dialogue facilitators'.

It will be interesting conversation when Queen's alumni fundraisers call me for my money. Perhaps a dialogue facilitator will be needed for that conversation for all the insensitive language that I will use.

Bob Rae? Are You Kidding Me?

2008-11-24T11:44:00.004-05:00

I simply don' t understand how Bob Rae can run as the national leader of the Liberals and expect to get any votes in Ontario. Interesting take they tried to do last week - I'm the man with the experience in causing recessions.

The Conservatives wouldn't even need to run attack ads: they would simply point out the facts.

A good ad to do though: Don't vote for Bob Rae, the man who brought us the Harris revolution.

The best approach for Ignatieff would be to play up the Iggy nickname. Come to the leadership convention shirtless, smear himself in peanut butter and do stage dives into the crowds. If he doesn't use Lust for Life as the soundtrack for his campaign, it's an opportunity squandered.

Remembrance Day Should Be A National Holiday

2008-11-11T09:23:00.002-05:00

The fact that this day isn't a holiday is a national shame.

Common Redundancies

2008-11-07T16:26:00.000-05:00

How many are you guilty of?

each (and every)
earlier (in time)
eliminate (altogether)
emergency (situation)
(empty) hole
empty (out)
(empty) space
enclosed (herein)
(end) result
enter (in)
(entirely) eliminate
equal (to one another)
eradicate (completely)
estimated at (about)
evolve (over time)
(exact) same
(exposed) opening
extradite (back)

Top 10 Most Annoying Phrases

2008-11-07T16:24:00.001-05:00

From Oxford Researchers, who obviously have time to spend researching this.

1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science

The Lost Years & Last Days of David Foster Wallace

2008-11-03T14:36:00.001-05:00

From Rolling Stone:

At the end of August, Franzen called. All summer long he had been telling David that as bad as things were, they were going to be better, and then he'd be better than he'd ever been. David would say, "Keep talking like that — it's helping." But this time it wasn't helping. "He was far away," Franzen says. A few weeks later, Karen left David alone with the dogs for a few hours. When she came home that night, he had hanged himself.

"I can't get the image out of my head," his sister says. "David and his dogs, and it's dark. I'm sure he kissed them on the mouth, and told them he was sorry."

City of Work

2008-11-03T14:32:00.002-05:00

An incredible site that you must visit. It feeds my chart porn desire and the soul crushing malaise I feel every moment I'm at my desk.

City of Work.

10 Songs that Resemble Other Songs

2008-11-03T14:30:00.001-05:00

From the good people at Jamsbio:

“The Songs I Didn’t Write” by Creaky Boards	“Viva La Vida” by Coldplay

Coldplay were briefly accused of copying portions of “The Songs I Didn’t Write” by Brooklyn based alternative band Creaky Boards, for the melody of “Viva la Vida”. Creaky Boards’ band member Andrew Hoepfner claimed that Chris Martin had heard the track at one of their shows. Coldplay denied the claims; band spokesman Murray Chambers said “Chris was working in AIR Studios in London” at that time. Creaky Boards later retracted the accusations and now speculate that both songs may have been inspired by the video game The Legend of Zelda.

“Three Girl Rhumba” by Wire	“Connection” by Elastica

All you have to do is listen to those first few bars and the theft is strikingly apparent, save for a transposed semitone. Obviously the boys from Wire noticed this too and took Elastica to task. Apparently the judgment resulted in an out-of-court settlement for which Wire received no compensation, except maybe some nice publicity. Considering that one of the neo-post-punk Britpop band’s biggest influences is Wire, it’s only fitting that they would borrow from their idols.

“He’s So Fine” by The Chiffons	“My Sweet Lord” by George Harrison

According to Wikipedia, following the song’s release, musical similarities between “My Sweet Lord” and The Chiffons’ hit “He’s So Fine” led to a lengthy legal battle over the rights to the composition. In a U.S. federal court decision, Harrison was found to have unintentionally copied the earlier song. He was ordered to surrender the majority of royalties from “My Sweet Lord.” In a funny twist, The Chiffons would later record “My Sweet Lord” to capitalize on the publicity generated by the lawsuit. Shortly thereafter, Harrison bought the rights to “He’s So Fine,” bringing the saga full circle.

“Father and Son” by Cat Stevens	“Fight Test” by The Flaming Lips

There are strong similarities between “Fight Test” and Cat Stevens’s 1970 song “Father and Son.” Stevens, now Yusuf Islam, is receiving royalties following a relatively noncontentious settlement. Lips’ frontman, Wayne Coyne, claims that he was unaware of the songs’ similarities until producer Dave Fridmann pointed them out.

“I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” by The Rubinoos	“Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne

In 2007, The Rubinoos sued Canadian pop-punk singer Avril Lavigne, claiming that her hit song “Girlfriend” has too much in common with their 1979 song “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend.” Lavigne’s manager, Terry McBride, denied that “Girlfriend” was copied from “I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend,” and pointed out that “Boyfriend” itself is similar to The Rolling Stones’ “Get off of My Cloud”. The two parties reached a confidential settlement in January 2008. Hard to believe that the similarities were purely coincidental, especially given the two songs’ identical subject matter, albeit with swapped gender.

“All Day and All of the Night” by The Kinks	“Hello, I Love You” by The Doors

The similarities between these two songs were apparent enough that The Doors had to pay royalties from the British single to The Kinks after Ray Davies sued them.

Best Inventions of 2008

2008-11-03T14:29:00.002-05:00

According to Time, the Retail DNA test tops the list.

Learning and sharing your genetic secrets are at the heart of 23andMe's controversial new service — a $399 saliva test that estimates your predisposition for more than 90 traits and conditions ranging from baldness to blindness. Although 23andMe isn't the only company selling DNA tests to the public, it does the best job of making them accessible and affordable. The 600,000 genetic markers that 23andMe identifies and interprets for each customer are "the digital manifestation of you," says Wojcicki (pronounced Wo-jis-key), 35, who majored in biology and was previously a health-care investor. "It's all this information beyond what you can see in the mirror."

100 Useful Websites

2008-11-03T14:28:00.001-05:00

... and most of them are. Useful, that is.

In the right light, you look like Shakleton

2008-11-03T14:25:00.001-05:00

An account of Shakleton surviving the Arctic.

This quote, by Sir Raymond Priestley, a member of Shackleton's earlier 1907-09 Nimrod Expedition, captures the abilities of the man:
"For scientific leadership, give me Scott, for swift and efficient travel give me Amundsen. But when you are in a hopeless situation, when you are seeing no way out, get down on your knees and pray for Shackleton. Incomparable in adversity, he was the miracle worker who would save your life against all the odds and long after your number was up. The greatest leader that ever came on God's earth, bar none."

David Foster Wallace: Online

2008-10-31T09:58:00.002-04:00

A collection of 11 essays.

A profile of Roger Feder.

A profile of McCain, written in 2000, which is eerily predictive of the 2008 campaign.

Youtube moments.

And an examination of what led him to kill himself:

"He wanted to write the way he wanted to write — funny and overstuffed and nonlinear and strange. The teachers were all "hardass realists." That was the first problem. Problem two was Wallace. "I think I was kind of a prick," he said. "I was just unteachable. I had that look - 'If there were any justice, I'd be teaching this class' - that makes you want to slap a student." One of these stories, "Here and There," went on to win a 1989 O. Henry Prize after it was published in a literary magazine. When he turned it in to his professor, he received a chilly noise back: "I hope this isn't representative of the work you're hoping to do for us. We'd hate to lose you."

Podcast of Paradise Lost

2008-10-31T09:53:00.003-04:00

Hated this book in uni - I had a student's version in first year, which was heavily annotated and the footnotes broke up the flow of the text. In fourth year I had a different version, this one that placed all the references at the back. A much better reading experience.

For the 400th anniversary, a podcast of Paradise Lost will be made available.

7 Close Calls in the Nuclear Age

2008-10-31T09:51:00.000-04:00

From the good people at Mental Floss:

1. Suez Crisis

On November 5, 1956, during the Suez crisis, the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD) received warnings that seemed to indicate that a large-scale Soviet attack was under way: a Soviet fleet was moving from the Black Sea to a more aggressive posture in the Aegean, 100 Soviet MiGs were detected flying over Syria, a British bomber had just been shot down in Syria, and unidentified aircraft were in flight over Turkey, causing the Turkish air force to go on high alert. All signs pointed to the ominous, except that, not long after, each of the four warnings was found to have a completely innocent explanation. The Soviet fleet was conducting routine exercises, the MiGs were part of a normal escort—whose size had been exaggerated—for the president of Syria, the British bomber had made an emergency landing after mechanical problems, and, last but not least, the unidentified planes over Turkey? Well, they turned out to be a large flock of swans.

2. SAC-NORAD Communication Failure

On November 24, 1961, all communication links between the U.S. Strategic Air Command (SAC) and NORAD suddenly went dead, cutting off the SAC from three early warning radar stations in England, Greenland, and Alaska. The communication breakdown made no sense, though. After all, a widespread, total failure of all communication circuits was considered impossible, because the network included so many redundant systems that it should have been failsafe. The only alternative explanation was that a full-scale Soviet nuclear first strike had occurred. As a result, all SAC bases were put on alert, and B-52 bomber crews warmed up their engines and moved their planes onto runways, awaiting orders to counterattack the Soviet Union with nuclear weapons. Luckily, those orders were never given. It was discovered that the circuits were not in fact redundant because they all ran through one relay station in Colorado, where a single motor had overheated and caused the entire system to fail.

3. U2 Spy Plane Accidentally Violates Soviet Airspace

U2 spy planes were high-altitude aircraft that took pictures of the Soviet Union with extremely powerful long-distance telephoto lenses. During the Cuban Missile Crisis of 1962, U2 pilots were ordered not to fly within 100 miles of the Soviet Union to avoid antagonizing the Soviets. However, on October 26, 1962, a U2 pilot flying over the North Pole made a series of navigational errors because the shifting lights of the aurora borealis prevented him from taking accurate readings with his sextant. As a result, he ended up flying over the Chukotski Peninsula in northern Siberia, causing the Soviets to order a number of MiG interceptors to shoot his plane down immediately. Instead of letting him be shot down, however, the United States responded quickly by sending out F-102A fighters armed with nuclear missiles to escort the U2 back to American airspace and prevent the MiGs from following it. Unbelievably, the tactic worked. Even more amazing: the decision whether to use their nuclear missiles was left to the American pilots, and could have easily resulted in a nuclear conflict.

4. When Camping, Make Sure to Hide Your Nuclear Weapons

On October 25, 1962, again during the Cuban Missile Crisis, a security guard at an air base in Duluth, Minnesota, saw a shadowy figure scaling one of the fences enclosing the base. He shot at the intruder and activated an intruder alarm, automatically setting off intruder alarms at neighboring bases. However, at the Volk Field air base in Wisconsin, the Klaxon loudspeaker had been wired incorrectly, and instead sounded an alarm ordering F-106A interceptors armed with nuclear missiles to take off. The pilots assumed that a full-scale nuclear conflict with the Soviet Union had begun. The planes were about to take off when a car from the air traffic control tower raced down the tarmac and signaled the planes to stop. The intruder in Duluth had finally been identified: it was a bear.

5. A Terrifying Crash

On January 21, 1968, fire broke out on a B-52 carrying a nuclear payload near Greenland, forcing the crew to bail out. The unmanned plane then crashed about seven miles from the early warning radar station in Greenland. The damage done could have been remarkable. The plane exploded, as did the explosives surrounding the radioactive core of the nuclear weapons (which require conventional explosives to detonate). Given the state of nuclear weapons technology at the time, this type of unintentional detonation of conventional first-stage explosives could have theoretically triggered the second-stage fission reaction, resulting in a nuclear explosion. Luckily for the world, it didn’t. The resulting explosion would have not only severed regular communications between the early warning station and NORAD, it would have also triggered an emergency alarm based on radiation readings taken by sensors near the station. The only conclusion at NORAD headquarters, in this grisly hypothetical but very plausible scenario, would have been that the Soviets were launching a preemptive nuclear strike, and the United States would have responded in kind.

6. Comp Fear

On November 9, 1979, four command centers for the U.S. nuclear arsenal received data on their radar screens indicating that the Soviet Union had launched a full-scale nuclear first strike on the United States. Over the next six minutes, planes were launched and nuclear missiles initialized for an immediate retaliatory strike. The president’s National Emergency Airborne Command Post—an armored jumbo jet (pictured) with radiation shielding and advanced communications capabilities, meant to allow the president to remain in contact with the government and armed forces during a nuclear war—was also launched, though curiously without the president aboard. However, the alarm was canceled because no sensors or satellites detected an actual Soviet missile launch. The alarm had been caused by computer software used for training exercises depicting a nightmare scenario Soviet first strike. Senator Charles Percy, who happened to be at NORAD headquarters during this event, said the reaction was one of overwhelming panic and terror. Justifiably so.

7. Comp Fear, Part 2

Electronic displays at NORAD, the SAC, and the Pentagon included prominent, highly visible numeric counters showing the number of enemy nuclear missiles detected. They normally displayed four zeros—”0000”—indicating that no nuclear missiles had been launched. However, on June 3, 1980, at 2:25 in the morning, the counters started randomly substituting the number “2” for “0.” As a result, crews manning bombers carrying nuclear weapons were ordered to begin to warm up their engines, Minuteman missiles were initialized for launch, and airborne command posts were also launched. It was determined that this first event was a false alarm, but three days later it happened a second time—causing the entire emergency response procedure to start rolling once again. The problem was eventually traced back to a single faulty computer chip combined with faulty wiring.

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5 Reasons Luke Skywalker is a Complete Idito

2008-10-31T09:50:00.000-04:00

From Topless Robot:

5) Trusting the Force to Help Him Blow Up the Death Star

I have never really figured out what was so special about Luke using the Force in attacking the first Death Star. As far as I could tell, it did nothing but give Darth Vader a slightly higher level of difficulty in blasting his X-Wing, which he seemed to aptly overcome as he blew up R2-D2, and proceeded to almost blow the crap out of Luke’s X-Wing had Han Solo not saved his ass with the Millennium Falcon. Some might say his use of the Force involved him turning off his targeting computer and trusting himself to shoot the exhaust port. If that’s using the Force then I am using the Force every time I turn off my cruise control in my car. I mean, they make targeting systems for a reason, Luke—and chances are, the Rebel's would prefer to trust your X-Wing's highly sophisticated on-board computer than a mystical power you spent a few hours learning yesterday afternoon.

4) Refusing to Listen to the Only Living Jedi in the Galaxy

Luke gets a vision of his dead mentor Obi-Wan telling him to go to Dagobah to get training from the Jedi Master, Yoda. Luke obeys, goes out to Dagobah, finds Yoda, and then proceeds to ignore him at every important turn. Yoda tells him not to go into the scary cave with weapons, Luke doesn’t listen. Yoda gives him a lesson about overcoming great obstacles, and Luke doesn’t take it to heart, can’t lift his own X-Wing and gets all pissy. Yoda and the Ghost of Obi-Wan both tell him not to go running off to Bespin to save his friends as he’s going to endanger everything they fought for. Luke doesn’t listen, goes off to Bespin, helps nobody and gets his damn hand chopped off.

Well done, Luke. Why should “Obi-Wan coming back as a ghost to give important instructions” convey any significance to you? Why should not pay attention to the one muppet who knows how to use the Force? You're just a jerk who nearly turned into a Hoth-sicle—you surely know better than both of 'em!

3) His Insanely Stupid Plan To Rescue Han Solo from Jabba The Hutt

Let us imagine that Luke Skywalker is trying to tell you his plan to rescue Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt.

Luke: “Okay so, first we get Lando Calrissian posing as a guard inside Jabba’s Palace.”

You: “How do we do that?”

Luke: “We just get him a costume and he—just walks in.”

You: “Um, okay, say it’s that easy. So then Lando gets Han out of the carbonite and we pick them up and get away?”

Luke: “No. What happens next is that I put my lightsaber in a hidden compartment in R2-D2 and send R2-D2 and C3PO to Jabba the Hutt as gifts.”

You: “Wait, why-“

Luke: “Just listen. Next we have Leia pose as a bounty hunter arriving at Jabba’s palace with Chewbacca captured. She’s going to hand over Chewbacca to Jabba.”

You: “Wait, why? Wouldn’t that mean we would now have to rescue Han Solo, Chewbacca, R2-D2 and C3PO? That just makes it more difficult, right?”

Luke: “Just go with me here. Next, Leia is going to sneak around at night and get Han Solo out of the carbonite, but get captured.”

You: “What? Why would we get everyone captured like that?”

Luke: “Now I’ll show up, use my Force powers to get in to Jabba’s fortress, get past the guards to an audience before Jabba and then use my Jedi mind trick to get Jabba to release everyone. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll get captured.”

You: “Okay, if you can just use your Force powers to get in to the palace and all the way to Jabba, then let's just have you go in right now and get Han out."

Luke: “No, that's stupid. I’m going to get myself captured. Because then you see, we’ll be taken to the sarlacc pit and then, when we’re on the skiff, I’ll get sent out first and then R2-D2 will manage to get to the top of Jabba’s sail barge and shoot out my lightsaber, and then with Lando’s help, we’ll just—rescue everyone and then everything will be fine!”

You: “That is the stupidest plan I’ve ever heard of.”

Luke:“I’ve thought of everything.”

You: “Clearly you didn’t.”

2) Throwing Away His Lightsaber in Front of the Emperor

So Luke decides not to put his lightsaber through Darth Vader’s head once he realizes that he’s going along the same dark path as his father. So what does he do next? He tosses away his lightsaber and then proclaims to the Emperor that he is a Jedi. Thus, he has no way to defend himself when the Emperor blasts him with lightning and if it wasn’t for his Father saving his butt (please note how many times Luke gets saved by someone else) he would have been a charred piece of Tatooine bacon. Okay, yes, tossing away the lightsaber makes a definitive statement of renouncing Father-killing, but what did he think would happen other than the Emperor kicking his ass? Did Luke think that perhaps he would proclaim “I am a Jedi, like my father before me,” and the Emperor would suddenly shout “No! You are the purest good! I am nothing in the presence of your light!” and then fling himself backward into the chasm? Why didn’t Luke just try to give the Emperor a big hug and kisses and call him a ‘snookle bear.’ He’s a master of the Dark Side, so of course he’s going to kick your ass. Luke was warned not to underestimate the Emperor...so of course, he does exactly that.

1) Not Joining the Dark Side

No, seriously! Luke gets dumped on his whole life—his adoptive parents get killed, all his friends get injured or killed, the girl he falls in love with turns out to be his sister, his father turns out to be one of the most evil people in the galaxy, his hand gets cut off. Then he gets a chance to co-rule the galaxy. Who wouldn't take that offer at that point?

What has Luke had to look forward to after the original trilogy? Mostly trying to start up the whole Jedi Order by himself, which is a ton of work, and watching Han have almost constant sex with Leia. Between that and ruling with Vader, it's not unlike a choice between working in your local library and becoming President. Not really much of a choice there. And ou can comment all you want about the Dark Side being a path to pain and suffering and a loss of humanity, but let’s face it—the Dark Side is simply cooler. Members of the Sith have neat custom lightsabers, get to slap everyone around, and just plain look cooler. For Halloween, how many Luke costumes do you see people wearing nowadays? Zero. How many Darth Vader costumes do you see? Still too many to count. Bad is good, baby.

Top 20 SF TV Theme Songs

2008-10-17T15:12:00.001-04:00

Complete with links to youtube goodness.

Alien Nation (by Steve Dorff)
A chorus swells over bongos that settle into a calypso/merengue beat. Aurally taxing or delightfully ballsy? Discuss.

The Avengers (by Laurie Johnson)
The spy-fi series’ anthem begins with a sexy swagger then moseys into a brass-tickled swinging-sixties delight.

Battlestar Galactica (by Stu Phillips)
We’re talking about the 1978 TV series, with an intro that plays like a wistful film score.

The Bionic Woman (by Jerry Fielding)
It’s an ambling jazz set, man. Because Jaime Sommers is that cool.

Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (by Stu Phillips)
Token straight-guy narration lends way to aggressive horns, then a delicious orchestral creation straight out of one of those ’80s night-time soaps.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (by Nerf Herder)
What could’ve easily been a goth travesty (given the subject matter) became a rousing, pop-punk track that still smells like teen spirit.

Dark Angel (by Chuck D and McLyte)
As with the Alien Nation intro, we can appreciate the use of unlikely genres in sci-fi theme songs. Admittedly, this rap-inspired endeavor quickly devolves into a low-rent take on Public Enemy’s “Bring the Noise.” (Maybe that's because it was co-written by the group's frontman.) However, it’s the only one we can think of that boldly takes on the hippity-hop, so we’ll give it mad props and stuff.

Dr. Who (by Ron Granier)
Dr. What? Dr. Who? Switcha flow, getcha dough. (A little Jay-Z humor to jump off that Dark Angel entry, folks.) The original Who song is the sci-fi equivalent of a galloping Western tune rendered enigmatic by way of a menacing, repetitious guitar riff and haunting synths.

The Greatest American Hero (by Joey Scarbury)
So cheesy, predictable, and pedestrian that it brilliantly straddles the line between sincerity and parody—which is precisely why Seinfeld aped it spectacularly some 15 years later.

Knight Rider (by Stu Phillips)
This slow-burning, pulsating offering from the Hoff incarnation is to auto-centric crime-fighting what the Miami Vice theme song is to motor-boat-propelled sting operations.

Lost in Space (by Alexander Courage)
Best use of flautists (presumably on piccolos), who tango puckishly with their brassy cohorts. Jethro Tull should be so talented.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 (by Joel Hodgson, Josh Weinstein, and
Charles Erickson)
Decidedly lo-fi, it plays like an ’80s one-hit wonder. As such, it’s impossible to get out of your head.

The Outer Limits (by Dominic Frontiere)
Kinda like the unsettling Twilight Zone theme— “There is nothing wrong with your television, do not attempt to adjust the picture…” Only a bit jauntier.

Star Trek (by Alexander Courage)
Opera lady’s kooky, high priestess melisma makes for memorable karaoke recreations.

Star Trek: The Next Generation (by Dennis McCarthy)
Ambitious, majestic, and frontier-evoking—just like the show’s raison d’etre. Make it so, y'all!

Stargate SG-1 (by David Arnold/Joel Goldsmith)
Swelling, almost military, orchestrations settle into a soaring, totally hummable instrumental.

The Twilight Zone (by Marius Constant)
Unmatched in its creepiness, the iconic composition sonically spirals as a voiceover (courtesy of Rod Serling, we presume) promises bewildering tableaus of "things and ideas" unknown.

The X-Files (by Mark Snow)
The eerie atmosphere-setter evokes images of an ominous alien spaceship looming over Earth. Also, it's easy to whistle.

Xena: Warrior Princess (by Joseph LoDuca)
A chanty, percussive world-music offering that mercifully resides in a galaxy far, far away from the Enya/Tesh/Yanni oeuvre.

Wonder Woman (by Normal Gimbel and Charles Fox)
“In your satin tights, fighting for your rights”? Ridiculous lyrics aside, this disco-infused tune here’s a booming classic that’s almost as fun to sing as the Good Times theme song. Almost.

Smells Like Ukele

2008-10-06T14:39:00.001-04:00

The Shaft version was so good I went and dug up a version of Smells Like Teen Spirit...

Shaft - Ukele Style

2008-10-06T14:38:00.001-04:00

Talkin' bout Shaft... shut yer mouth!

Sarah Palin's Greatest Hits

2008-10-06T14:36:00.003-04:00

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

How Things Work

2008-10-06T14:33:00.001-04:00

Lots of questions about microwaves - do most people consider them magic heating boxes?

1551. Upon removing a cup of coffee I'd heated for one minute in a microwave oven, I noticed a small ant running about, apparently unharmed. Curious, I gave it another one minute ride and when the door was open, it was still running about. How come an ant is apparently unharmed after two minutes in a microwave? -- KMB

Most likely, the ant never left the floor or walls of the microwave oven, where it was as close as possible to those metal surfaces. The six sides of the cooking chamber in a microwave oven are made from metal (or painted metal) because metal reflects microwaves and keeps them bouncing around inside the chamber.

Metals are good conductors of electricity and effectively "short out" any electric fields that are parallel to their surfaces. Microwaves reflect from the metal walls because those walls force the electric fields of the microwaves to cancel parallel to their surfaces and that necessitates a reflected wave to cancel the incident wave. Because of that cancellation at the conducting surfaces, the intensity of the microwaves at the walls is zero or very close to zero.

The ant survived by staying within a tiny fraction of the microwave wavelength (about 12.4 cm) of the metal surfaces, where there is almost zero microwave intensity. Had the ant ventured out onto your cup, it would have walked into real trouble. Once exposed to the full intensity of the microwaves, it would not have fared so well.

7 Abandoned Cities and Places in Asia

2008-10-06T14:27:00.001-04:00

Not really sure what an urban explorer is, but I'd like to be one.